Hey everyone, Aria here!
Let’s talk about something we’ve all probably experienced, whether on the giving or receiving end: ghosting. That sudden, unexplained silence in a friendship or romantic connection. Ouch, right? It can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and maybe even questioning yourself.
But what if I told you that the most common person we ghost is… ourselves?
Think about it. How many times have you backed out of plans last minute, even though you secretly wanted to go? How often have you avoided trying something new because a little voice in your head whispered, “You’ll probably fail”? How many times have you scrolled endlessly on your phone, numbing your feelings instead of dealing with them?
That, my friends, is self-ghosting. It’s when we disconnect from our own desires, our own potential, and our own lives. We disappear on ourselves, and just like with external ghosting, it leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled.
The Many Faces of Self-Ghosting
Self-ghosting can show up in sneaky ways:
- The Cancel Culture (Internal Edition): Making plans with friends (or even just for yourself!) and then bailing because you feel tired, anxious, or just “not in the mood.” While sometimes you genuinely need rest, consistently cancelling can be a way of avoiding connection and new experiences.
- The Procrastination Pit: Putting off that hobby you’ve been wanting to try, that course you were excited about, or even just a simple act of self-care because “you’ll get to it later.” Spoiler alert: later often never comes.
- The Comparison Trap: Spending so much time scrolling through social media and comparing your life to others that you feel inadequate and unmotivated to pursue your own goals. You mentally check out of your own journey.
- The Numbing Game: Turning to distractions like endless scrolling, excessive gaming, or other avoidance tactics when you’re feeling uncomfortable emotions instead of acknowledging and processing them. You’re ghosting your feelings.
- The “Not Good Enough” Syndrome: Believing you’re not skilled enough, smart enough, or worthy enough to pursue your dreams or put yourself out there in relationships. You ghost your own potential before even giving it a chance.
Why Do We Ghost Ourselves?
Self-ghosting often stems from:
- Fear of Failure: The worry that we won’t succeed if we try something new.
- Fear of Rejection: The anxiety of not being liked or accepted if we show our true selves.
- Low Self-Esteem: A deep-seated belief that we don’t deserve good things or positive experiences.
- Overwhelm: Feeling so stressed or anxious that retreating feels like the only option.
Time to Un-Ghost Yourself: Showing Up and Shining!
The good news is, you have the power to stop ghosting yourself and start truly living. Here’s how to show up and shine:
- Tune In and Listen: Pay attention to those little nudges of desire. What do you truly want to do? What makes you feel alive? Start acknowledging those feelings instead of pushing them away.
- Small Steps, Big Impact: You don’t need to overhaul your entire life overnight. Start with small, manageable actions. Instead of canceling on a friend, push yourself to go for just an hour. Instead of scrolling, spend 15 minutes on that hobby.
- Challenge Your Inner Critic: That negative voice in your head? It’s often a liar. When it pipes up with doubts and fears, challenge its validity. What’s the evidence against it? What’s the best-case scenario if you try?
- Embrace Imperfection: It’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. In fact, those are often the best learning opportunities. Stop waiting for the “right” moment or for yourself to be “ready enough.” Just start.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and understanding to yourself, especially when things don’t go as planned. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a dear friend facing a similar challenge.
- Reconnect with Your Values: What truly matters to you? What kind of person do you want to be? Align your actions with your values. This can give you a strong sense of purpose and motivation to show up for yourself.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and appreciate your efforts, no matter how small they seem. Did you manage to leave the house when you felt like staying in? Did you try something new even though you were nervous? That’s a win!
- Build a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with people who encourage you, believe in you, and lift you up. Having positive connections can make it easier to step outside your comfort zone.
Living a vibrant, fulfilling life starts with showing up for yourself. It’s about un-ghosting your desires, your potential, and your relationships. It’s about stepping into the light and letting your unique shine illuminate the world.
You deserve to experience all the richness life has to offer. So, take a deep breath, make that call, try that new thing, and most importantly, be present for yourself. You’ve got this!
What are some ways you’ve been self-ghosting lately, and what small step can you take today to un-ghost yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
With love and light,
Aira <0xF0><0x9F><0xAA><0xB0>
