Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students.
~John Ciardi

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
~Abbott Lawrence Lowell

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
~Theodore Roosevelt

If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing... you have a college degree.
~Author Unknown

If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
~Robert Goheen, Time, 23 June 1961

It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge.
~Brooks Atkinson, Once Around the Sun, 1951

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
~W.H. Auden

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving.
~Russell Green

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
~"Fats" Domino

Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn't.
~L.L. Hendren

College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
~David Wood

A liberal education... frees a man from the prison-house of his class, race, time, place, background, family and even his nation.
~Robert Maynard Hutchins

Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner.
~Will Rogers

A college education shows a man how little other people know.
~Thomas Chandler Haliburton

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
~J. Frank Dobie

I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.
~Alex Karras

The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure.
~Sydney J. Harris

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
~Elbert Hubbard

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.
~George Gobel

A liberal-arts education is supposed to provide you with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas, not a job.
~Caroline Bird

I learned three important things in college - to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes.
~Agnes DeMille, Dance to the Piper, 1952

The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular. The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary.
~Martin H. Fischer

I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
~Author unknown, as seen on a T-shirt

Hitler destroyed the German university with design; we destroyed ours without.
~Martin H. Fischer

No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows.
~J. Robert Oppenheimer

The purpose of primary education is the development of your weak characteristics; the purpose of university education, the development of your strong.
~Nevin Fenneman

I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best - it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money - provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it.
~Peter DeVries

Standardization is the fertilizer of college education. A little may be useful, but flowers do not grow in pure manure.
~Martin H. Fischer

The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money.
~Author Unknown

The elective system offered a bewildering freedom of choice, leaving some graduates with the impression that they had nibbled at dozens of canapés of knowledge and never had their fill.
~Ted Morgan

The quality of a university is measured more by the kind of student it turns out than the kind it takes in.
~Robert J. Kibbee

A place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed.
~Robert G. Ingersoll

A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000.
~Leonard L. Levinson